Currently listening to a small girl cry, as she refuses her daytime sleep.
I am completely exhausted by her, she has chronic separation anxiety and won't let me out of her sight, I can't even have a shower without her crying and beating down the door.
I don't remember things being this bad with Leo, may be I have blocked it from my memory!
She is up 3-4 times per night, and usually ends up in my bed, lying on my head, clutching me with those determined little hands. Yesterday while driving I thought I was hallucinating, surely this can't be good? I can't/won't do controlled crying at night, I don't have it in me to win that battle, so on talking to my beloved local M&CH Nurse, we are trying 'camping out'.
This involves me setting up a bed right next to her cot, and instead of laying her back down and stooping over the cot waiting for her to fall asleep, only then to hope that I don't step on a squeaky floorboard on the way out, I just reach into her cot to pat her, shush her, with the bonus that I am horizontal and in a bed. Woohoo.
Last night it kinda worked, she spent the whole night in her bed which is a small victory for me, and even though she was grizzling/awake for long periods of the night, there were no truly anxious moments, she was calm and that's what I'm after.
So I'm having trouble thinking of myself as a creative person, when my whole MO is to survive each day, get people fed, bathed, books read and cuddles given. Sam is on a gruelling schedule 3 weeks out from his solo show in Sydney, we are one sleep-deprived bunch over here. I am looking forward to the day when I can reminisce and say, 'yes that was shit, but aren't things so much better now?'
Next week at Craft Vic I might just end up sleeping in the store room. Oh boy that sounds good.
Peeps I need a pep talk, give me some positive vibes, and if anyone's tried the camping out method, how did it go for you?
Reading: 'An Object of Beauty' by the fabulous Steve Martin.
Listening to: Inside Vibe on PBS with Blair Stafford
Watching: Modern Family Season One (again, I have a huge crush on Sofia Vergara)